How a Family Begins Defining the Values for a Coat of Arms

When a coat of arms begins with a conversation

A coat of arms rarely begins with a drawing.

It begins with a conversation.

When a family decides to create a coat of arms, it is, in reality, a decision to give words and symbols to something much greater:
Who are we?
What matters to us?
What do we wish to pass on to the next generation?

Heraldry provides the framework for that conversation. But the content — the values, the stories, and the symbols — comes from the family itself.

For that reason, the first step is not to choose colours or animals.

The first step is to talk.

Start with stories — not symbols

A common mistake is to begin with symbols.

People search online and ask:
"What does a lion mean?"
"What does an eagle symbolise?"

But symbols only gain meaning when they grow out of a story.

A better place to begin is therefore with the family's own narratives.

What stories are told when the family gathers?
What do grandparents speak about?
Which events have shaped the family?

This might include:

• a family with strong ties to the sea
• a tradition of craftsmanship or art
• a story of migration or a new beginning
• a legacy of unity through difficult times

When such stories come forward, the symbols almost begin to choose themselves.

Questions that can open the conversation

Sometimes it can be difficult to begin.

In that case, it helps to ask a few simple questions that everyone in the family can take part in answering.

For example:

What values define our family?

Is it courage, loyalty, curiosity, diligence, or humour?

What are we proud of in our family history?

A particular person, a profession, a tradition, or perhaps a way of supporting one another.

What do we hope future generations will remember us for?

A coat of arms is not only a description of the past.
It is also a gift to the future.

When multiple generations take part

One of the most rewarding aspects of the process is when several generations are involved.

Children often contribute a spontaneous and honest understanding of the family.

Grandparents may bring forward stories that might otherwise be lost.

And in between sits the generation that connects past and future.

When everyone has the opportunity to contribute, the coat of arms becomes more than a design.

It becomes a shared project.

From values to symbols

Once the family has had the conversation, the next step begins to take shape naturally.

Now one can begin to ask:

Which symbols could represent the values we have discussed?

Here, heraldry can guide the process.

An animal may express character.
A plant may suggest roots and belonging.
A tool may represent craft or work.
A landscape element may reflect a connection to place or nature.

What matters is not choosing the most striking symbol.

What matters is choosing something that feels meaningful to the family.

Less is often stronger

As enthusiasm grows, there is often a temptation to tell the entire family story at once.

But heraldry is built on simplicity.

A coat of arms works best when the symbols are few and clear.

In many cases, one or two strong symbols will say more than a shield filled with many elements.

The rest of the story can live in the motto, the colours, or the other elements surrounding the shield.

When the conversation becomes a coat of arms

Once the family has identified the values and symbols that feel right, the next phase begins.

Now the rules and aesthetics of heraldry can come into play.

Colours are chosen.
Symbols are arranged.
The whole is shaped.

But the most important part has already happened.

The family has had the conversation.

And so the coat of arms becomes more than a beautiful design.

It becomes a symbol of something the family itself has helped define.

Frequently asked questions about creating a family coat of arms together

Does the whole family need to agree on the coat of arms?
It is not necessary for everyone to agree on every detail. However, it is important that the core values and symbols resonate with the family as a whole.

A coat of arms is strongest when multiple family members can recognise themselves in it. Conversations and ideas from different members often give the arms greater depth.

Who should be involved in the process?
Ideally, several generations.

Older family members can contribute stories from the past, while younger generations often bring new perspectives on what the family represents today. Together, they create arms that reflect both history and future.

What if the family cannot agree?
It is completely normal for different ideas to arise.

Often, the solution is to focus on the values that appear repeatedly in the conversation. Once shared values are identified, it becomes much easier to choose symbols and colours that represent them.

In some cases, it is also better to choose a few strong symbols rather than trying to include every idea.

How many symbols should a coat of arms have?
In heraldry, simplicity is a strength.

Many of the most elegant coats of arms contain only one or two symbols. Additional elements can sometimes be placed in the crest, the motto, or other parts of the achievement instead of crowding the shield.

What if our family does not have a long history?
A coat of arms does not need to be based on centuries of history.

For many families, creating a new coat of arms is precisely about establishing a symbol for the story that begins now. It may represent values, hopes, and unity — something to be passed on to future generations.

Can children take part in choosing symbols?
Yes — and often with surprisingly good results.

Children can sometimes express family values more directly and honestly than adults. When their ideas are included, the coat of arms becomes something they feel connected to.

When are we ready to have the coat of arms designed?
When the family has identified:

• the key values
• the symbols that represent them
• a general sense of style and atmosphere

then the foundation is in place.

From there, a heraldic artist can help translate these ideas into a coat of arms that follows heraldic rules and traditions.